Top 10 Signs of Wrong Parenting
Parents are the child’s first teachers, preachers and guides. They know the best for their child and act in his or her best interests but parenting is no joke. Though, no one can love a child like a parent can, yet, parents sometimes tend to make serious errors which can have serious repercussions on a child’s psyche. Here are the 10 signs of wrong parenting-
10. CORPORAL PUNISHMENT
A parent must never never never punish a child brutally. However grave the fault may be, the children must not be subjected to corporal punishment because this will not only make children distant from their parents but also introduce them to bad example of violence. Moreover, by inflicting physical pain on children by making them stand for long hours, by slapping or hitting them and so on, the child may simply stop listening to the parents because scolding or merely advising may no longer be effective for the child to induce him to follow his parents’ instructions.
9. COMPARING WITH ANOTHER CHILD
Lets us admit that none of us has liked it even one bit to be compared with other children by our parents. Parents are warned time and again by their elders not to compare their child with any other kid, not even with their siblings, for that matter. It would be too late before the parents even get to know that their child has fallen in depression and is suffering from low self confidence. The child may even resort to becoming solitary and may become introvert. He or she may also start resenting his or her siblings or friends or cousins whoever is being compared to them.
8. IT IS MY LIFE-NO TIME FOR KIDS
Parents sometimes get so engrossed in themselves, their career and their lives that they forget that children too are a part of their lives now. From career to personal goals, everything takes a back seat when the kids arrive on the family scene. Elders feel that their social and professional commitments are equally important and tend to ignore the needs of their kids. So, in such cases either the children are left deserted even in the family, or are left with caretakers, governesses or even in creches. But remember, none of these can replace the love of parents for a child. Parents must be careful that their children should be their first preference and also, that children deserve all their time in the world.
7. FOR MY LITTLE PRINCE OR PRINCESS
Just as too much ignorance towards children is not correct on part of the parents, similarly, too much pampering also spoils things for the kids. Parents may perceive their pampering as love and care but in reality it is doing more harm that good for their children. Ideally, children should be treated as children only…not as princes and princesses. Giving in to the demands of children, buying them whatever they wish and giving them all comforts of the world will make them incompetent in real world situations. Children must be taught to live in adversity with little facilities so that they learn to respect and cherish all good things in life that they have been endowed with by their parents.
6. THREATS TO DETER
Threats are seldom credible and believe it or not, children, though young, are too smart to judge that in a very early age. Parent often resort to scolding and threatening their kids to deter them from making an mistakes or repeating any faults. But they must pause for a moment before taking this step and analyze what would happen to their threats of the children remain stubborn. Children will take their parents advise and suggestions very lightly and tend to overlook them. A better way could be for parents to sit and spend time with their children and make them understand what their parents want from them. This will take the kids a step closer to understanding their parents.
5. CARROT AND STICK APPROACH
If you do “something” successfully, you will get “the carrot” but if not, you would be penalized with “a stick”. Sounds familiar? Well, this is precisely the carrot and stick approach. Parents tend to evoke performance from their children by throwing a bait before them such as a motorbike, or a desired play station or even a car for the lucky few! On the contrary, they are penalized by the disconnection of internet, snatching away of mobiles and barring them from watching television if they fail to give the desired performance. This may sound fair but it is not. Parents must make their children responsible so that they perform not for the greed of something but out of their sense of responsibility. Also, they must learn that when they make a mistake, they must learn to rectify for their own good.
4. I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS CHILD
Parents say that sometimes when their children behave contrary to the parents’ expectations. But they must pause and introspect- if they don’t understand their kids then who will? To understand a child, parents must equip themselves with love, patience, care, patience, time and again, patience. They must prioritize their children’s needs and must talk frankly with the kids so that children share everything with their parents. When it is a matter of trust, both sides must take the initiative to build it, so parents must equally participate in trust building with their children.
3. I CANNOT STAND THIS BRAT
Parents do not understand this that by openly calling their kid a brat or a menace, they are not doing any good to either themselves or even their kids. Children may be naughty or even a cause of headache sometimes when they make you angry but this is not good enough a reason to punish them with the harsh words. Children need to be dealt with patiently and not with anger. The big mistake parents make is that in a fit of anger they forget that children are only in their learning stage and they need to be explained their fault carefully so that it can be rectified with equal understanding on the part of children too.
2. THE RULEBOOK FOR LIFE
Believe it or not, there is no rulebook for life. Parents tend to lay down the rulebook for their children as soon as the children can begin comprehending what their parents are conveying to them. Do this and don’t do this together begin to summarize the whole life for the children and they desperately seek refuge from the regime of this rulebook. The first step they take is to flout any rules laid down. Therefore, parents must not just lay down rules but should also explain to their kids why they need to comply.
1. I WANT YOU TO GROW UP TO BE…
Most commonly heard phrase is “You must become an engineer, or a doctor or …” But parents should realize that their children are an independent entity with their own dreams and wishes. Parents are the best guides but they must not enforce their wishes on the children. Children always need their parents for guidance, love, care and understanding which they can best get from their parents only. But, the parents start to force them to do something the children do not like, then kids distance themselves from their parents. Children expect complete understanding from their parents and so, parents must live up to these by being the desired mentors and not oppressors.