Top 10 Reasons why Marriage is Overrated

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Marriage…one of the most popular custom throughout the world, an institution whose sanctity is held in utmost regards, an element which is considered an extremely crucial part of our society. Getting married and starting a family is something that can never be questioned about. Why? Because the society says so. A lot of people would simply marry just because they feel like they have reached “that age” and it’s naturally “the next thing to do”. Well in my personal opinion that’s completely rubbish! Have you ever thought that a happily married couple can always be a happy couple unmarried, as it was never the marriage that played any role in their compatibility. They were good because they naturally “worked”.  Out of several married couples, there are very few that are lovers. Well marriages always look glamorous when we are young but the truth is they are not. Following are the 10 reasons why I feel marriage is highly overrated-

10)Marriage is artificial and unnatural

Marriage is artificial and unnatural (2)

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”

Love…I don’t think there is anything else in this world that feels as wonderful and as natural as falling in love. But don’t you think it’s reckless to swear an oath to love one person. It’s completely and truly unrealistic, unnatural and unnecessary to force people to stay together with an artificial binding contract. The society may prefer to call it marriage but trust me guys it’s nothing more than imprisonment. Love is one emotion that can neither be controlled, so it’s better to let it run it’s natural course, however long that may be, and die out on its own.

9) Marriage does not necessarily makes you happier

Marriage does not necessarily makes you happier (2)

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”

Well it does makes your parents and their parents and all your relatives happy, but the marriage would be a source of lasting happiness for you is nothing more than a myth.It does keeps you looking normal to the society (If being considered normal gives you happiness, then you can easily ignore this point). No matter how fascinated you are by that “happily ever after” Disney theme you need to understand that there’s no perfect world. So if marriage will give you stability and a family to raise , it would also take away other things, like personal freedom, privacy, adventure, travel time and also other men/women. You’re always going to be happy about some things but unhappy about others.

8)Taking care of the parents (both sets), the extended family (both sets) and even the neighbours (both sets)

Taking care of the parents (both sets), the extended family (both sets) and even the neighbours (both sets)

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one…”

One of the major problems with getting married is that you don’t just say “I DO” and start enjoying that fairy tale romance right after you have walked down the aisle. The reality is the real and the actual work starts from that day. Satisfying the needs of your partner…sounds sane. But how can you  justify satisfying all those other people like the parents (both sets),the extended family(both sets),the neighbours and the society(one and the same).All your life decisions are now not governed by your own wishes, it’s made keeping in mind how much satisfactory would it be for all these people. Well there may be a certain segment of people who may enjoy it, but for rest of us it usually sucks.

7) Overrated model of happiness

Overrated model of happiness

Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.”

The problem with society is that they consider marriage as bliss. There are so many people getting married with al the “Cinderella at the ball trappings”, only to get divorced within 2 years or so.  If you are getting married thinking, this one decision in your life is going to take away all your sorrows, then you need to just look around and you’ll see several partners hanging on by the skin of their teeth. If you consider the institution worth fighting for the ground is all yours, but just by getting married you cannot guarantee happiness.

6) It’s not for everyone

It’s not for everyone

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.”

I feel marriage is all about person and the circumstances. People usually get married because they have to, not because they want to. On the contrary I feel that we should all directly pursue what makes us happy .There are a lot of people who are a firm believer in long term relationships but always look upon marriage with suspicious eyes. However they still get married to uphold the culture and tradition. But is it even worth it? Because with marriage would come the stress and pressure of living your life in accordance with someone else. With marriage would come kids who will take over every waking minute. The only thing we can conclude: marriage is not for all. Not the thing is…it’s for whom? I am not opposed to all individual marriages ,just the ides of marriage as a universal goal.

5) The intense feeling (love) may path way to another equally intense feeling (hatred)

The intense feeling (love) may path way to another equally intense feeling (hatred)

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”

With no pun intended, I always feel that “being in love” can never be a continuous state. Obviously that’s not the problem; the problem is what substitutes it. We all know about such couples who thought they met “the one”…only to hate their intuition years later. With the spark fading, the cumbersome routine, the stagnation that you start feeling after having kids and the lack of effect of constructive dialogue almost everybody starts feeling “Okay this is the person I love, and I would indeed love to be with this person and have this lifestyle when I am may be, 50…but surely not now”. And then you start hating not just your partner but also yourself for getting successfully caught in the marriage web and throttled.

4) Infidelity

Infidelity

“The secret of a good marriage is forgiving your partner for marrying you in the first place.”

We all know how selfish our society has grown upto.There might be no problem with marriage but with the cultural norms changing one has to agree that   today you cannot guarantee a marriage to stay forever. One of the most common reasons behind relationships falling apart is cheating and trust me that’s a big one. Do you know the secret behind the high success rate of marriages in the past decade .Even when the wife was aware of the husbands affairs, she moderately accepted it. Do you think that economically, socially and culturally independent women of today can take all of this then surely your marriage stands a chance.

3) Means of long-lasting Romance

Means of long-lasting Romance

“The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.”

The problem with marriage is that almost everyone has an utterly unrealistic view about marriage. The story starts with a girl and boy “head over heels in love” with each other. The next obvious step that anyone can think of marriage. So they get married with “the one”. Society never tells you what happens next. Even those hard core romantic movies usually ends at this stage just giving “the happily ever after “tag to all their pairs. What they don’t show is that the “head over heels” phase ends in  the very beginning, what starts after it is…hard work and a lot of sacrifices. Now you are expected to be committed not only to a person but also to all the good and bad that comes along with them…which is hard work. Once you get married slowly but steadily the Romance would fade away because marriage is more about commitment and less about romance and love. In no way am I questioning the place of love in marriage but it’s always commitment that takes the upper hand. Marriage in actual has nothing to do with love. It cannot make someone love you , it doesn’t even guarantee they’ll continue to love you.

2) If it does not work out…(Unfortunately there is no other option but to anyhow work it out)

If it does not work out…(Unfortunately there is no other option but to anyhow work it out) (2)

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers

You love your spouse and you don’t mind going to any extent in order to save your marriage. But what if even after giving it all your energy, you two are just not compatible enough. It’s not just a normal relationship where you would just part ways. An institution like marriage involves so much that it’s never easy to get out of it and then all your actions start to be torn by bitterness. The feeling that “no matter what I do, it won’t change” can make your life miserable and you helpless.

1) One of those battles where there is nothing like victory

One of those battles where there is nothing like victory

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.”

There was something I found on Google Buzz that admirably sums up what I myself have to say,

…what do I get in this system of marriage that I can’t have otherwise …. to me its NOTHING .. and I loose a lot ..so the choice is easy … stay single stay happy”

I know this might sound too cynical to a lot of people but what do you gain after getting married. The very obvious answers are sharing life’s precious moments with that special someone, celebrating togetherness, ensuring that there will be someone to take care of you once you grow old but then these are things you’ll get out of any serious long term relationship…why do you need a legal contract or a government certificate for it. What one can be  absolutely sure of is losing one’s freedom, one’s independence and  a lot many times even his/her desires and dreams. Marriage is that piece of paper that can not only change your life’s but also your personalities at times.

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3 Comments

  1. Cadence Wallace

    April 9, 2015 at 1:00 am

    You know this was a real eye opener

  2. James

    April 17, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    I try explaining these points to the previous generation (my parents): I am not about to gamble my home, retirement money & future income on the >50% chance that my marriage implodes in 5 years. Marriage isn’t what it used to be, divorce isn’t what it used to be, women (& men) aren’t what they used to be. Staying single doesn’t necessarily mean you’re selfish, or weird: maybe just financially-prudent?

    • TOONERCAT .

      July 24, 2015 at 6:46 pm

      Well said, I’m 44 with 2 kids and my advice to them will be to not get married or at least delay considering marriage until they are in their mid 30’s (maybe a bit younger for my daughter). The odds of a succesful marriage tend to be much better at that age

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